


A September Confession

by Snail_inthe_club (ThatNeoNeonGrass)



Series: Miscellaneous Drabbles [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Based on True Events, Fear, Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Random & Short, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatNeoNeonGrass/pseuds/Snail_inthe_club
Summary: A confession.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Miscellaneous Drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918393
Kudos: 8





	A September Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I'm just protecting. Based on true events that happened in my life. Feelings are so difficult.

_I want to build my_ _life_ _with you._

If you think about it, it's such a simple statement. Eight wordsstrung together. But it's the meaning behind it that makes it so hard to say or write. It's hard because it's a confession. 

Confessions are a moment of vulnerability. A moment where you put your everything on the line. A momen filled with fear. 

Despite knowing each other for a long time, my body still fills with fear. Such a simple statement makes me afraid. Afraid of what you will say.

I can feel so sure, but it's your reply that makes me hold my breath. 

_However,_ _ it's _ _ okay if you  _ _don't_ _ feel the same. _

This statement is also hard to say. But it's the shield we use to protect ourselves a bit. It always fails, though. It's okay if you don't feel the same. No, it's an _I'm no_ t okay if you don't feel the same. 

I won't be okay if you tell me no. I will want to die. I will be disappointed. I want to disappear. I will be depressed. 

But I get it. There's not much to love here.

_ You're allowed to love others that aren't me. _

There's no lie in that. At the end of the day I may not be enough. As much as I wanna be self centered... I won't be. I can't be. 

If I forced you to love me, it won't be love. It would just be an illusion. A lie. I don't want it to be a lie. I want it to be honest.

_ I want to love you for a long time. _

How this comes after, I don't know. I guess I had just hoped you already knew. With all the year we've spent being friends. I loved you as a friend. Then I came to just love _you_.

I didn't choose to or even planed to. But that's how our friendship was built. Unplanned events that lead to us meeting. The fact we had no choice but to be in those events.

I want to love you for a long time that I build my life with you. But my fear is much louder than my love.

Because I don't want to loose you.

I don't remember what it was like before you. So if need to I'll just be your friend for the rest our time. 

* * *

**_I... I also want to build my life with you._ **

I know I'm not good with feelings. I know that. You know that too. But I'm sure of this. In this life where I feel lost most of the time. This is the one thing I'm sure about. I also picture my life with you. I also want to be with you.

But I'm terrified.

I'm so terrified.

I have never felt like this for someone. A deep feeling that I don't understand. Something I didn't really get to have until I met you.

Some where along the way of building our friendship, the way you smiled at me stayed in my mind.

Then that night when I slept over at your house. That night, when you looked me in the eyes and whispered 'I want to kiss you'. Without thinking we moved to kiss each other. Then even after we pulled away with a simple look we kissed again.

My heart pounded. I knew then, that I loved you. I knew too, that you felt the same. But we didn't do anything about it.

Timing. That's always been our issue. Why we didn't start something more after that night? You were going through a rough time. The biggest struggle with your mental health. But now? My family issues. Issues that I want to make go away, but can't. With these issues, comes the fall of my mental health.

But it's not just timing. It's our fear. We're scared about what the future holds for us. We don't know what will happen then. We don't know if our feelings will change.

But we're also afraid of fucking up. We spent years building up our friendship. We've gone through thick and thin. But fucking up and having to loose all of it, we can't do it. 

_**I do love you too.** _


End file.
